It sounds like you are experiencing conflicting emotions, which is a common and normal human experience. Despite cutting off all contact and even blocking her, the fact that you still think about her and miss her shows that there are unresolved feelings that you may need to process and come to terms with.

Here are a few steps you can take to help you navigate these conflicting emotions:

1. **Acknowledge your feelings:** It's essential to acknowledge your emotions, even when they seem contradictory. Accept that it's okay to miss her despite feeling that you hate her. Emotions are complex, and it's normal to experience a range of feelings towards someone.

2. **Reflect on the situation:** Take some time to reflect on why you miss her even though you have chosen to avoid her. Were there aspects of the relationship that you valued or that made you happy? Understanding your emotions can help you make sense of why you miss her.

3. **Seek closure:** Consider seeking closure for yourself, even if it means writing a letter you never send, talking to a therapist, or simply allowing yourself to process your feelings. Closure can help you come to terms with the end of the relationship and move forward.

4. **Focus on self-care:** Take care of yourself during this emotional time. Engage in activities that bring you joy, spend time with supportive friends and family, and practice self-care activities that help you feel grounded and balanced.

5. **Consider seeking support:** If you find that these emotions are overwhelming or impacting your daily life, consider talking to a therapist or counselor. They can help you process your feelings and develop healthy coping strategies.

Remember that healing from a past relationship can take time, and it's okay to give yourself the space and grace to navigate your emotions. Be patient with yourself and trust that, with time and self-reflection, you will be able to move forward from this experience.